The Bottom Half of the Internet Speaks - Slow Play

During the Abu Dhabi Golf Championship Jordan Spieth was among several players given the European Tour's new monitoring penalty for slow play. The penalty essentially means if a player consistently takes too long for shots they can be given a monetary fine. Slow play is one of golf's eternal problems and always brings out some interesting points of views among the golfers on the internet. Some people were criticizing Spieth, some chief rules official John Paramor, and some were creating conspiracy theories. Most of these comments were having little attention paid to them so I have rearranged a selection of them into a found poem in an attempt to showcase some of the more unusual viewpoints.


In my opinion Jordan is one of the faster players on Tour.
Are you getting confused with Michael Jordan?
He should limit his practice swings to 2 or 3,
He is the Christie Kerr of the PGA Tour

Why do people care how long it takes the pros to play a round?
F the slow guy.
Slow players are not willing to admit it
Spieth needs to be banned for a year

It is insane how long they take to hit a shot.
Tour players like slow play.
I think a ball should have a timer,
If the clock expires before you hit it then the ball explodes

Money is no object to these guys,
It's like giving rich people parking tickets
3 hours 45 minutes equals regular green fees,
Every minute over that is an extra $2.50

Walk off the green with Jason Day and you need a new calendar.
The problem is the charts of the greens,
They can't even read putts themselves.
The only solution is the liberal use of tasers.

Rory had a military helicopter flying directly over his tee shot,
Should that have resulted in a penalty?
Yes.
 Unless it was firing artillery

Bloody ridiculous!
This is not rocket science!
Since only the last 9 holes on Sunday matter,
Time those.

I guess the Euros need to find a way to get Rory back to number one.
I'm sure they feel Rory is the true number one.
Take away OWGR points.
It's amazing some people don't realize McIlroy is the best player in the world

John Paramor likes to insert himself into a tournament
Paramor picked on the wrong player
This big fat oaf should retire and do what he does best,
Wear women's clothes